“Even
the people that I most love, I only like about 80% of them. It’s a question of where
on your personal intolerable scale the 20 lies.” She looked at him for
affirmation. Hoping that he would feel her observation insightful, therefore
her intelligent. And therefore x 2 worthy
of his love.
They
were both lounging on comfortable chairs in her idyllic balcony. With gin, leisure
and butterflies for company. The weather fairies were in a mood to dance. A
plump, setting sun was painting the sky in all shades of crimson. She had loved
him for so long, through his casual indifference, through his coldness. But she
had been feeling the shift in him for a while. Today was the day, this was the
moment that it would all turn. The moment that their relationship would shift
and justify the years of undeserved worship. She could almost taste the words
that she would use to tell this tale of love to all the doubters.
“I
wonder what Sarika is doing.” He mused out loud as he stared out at the sea of tree
tops.
Her
figurative transformation into stone took about a moment too long. He turned to
look at her with the impatience only a lover-in-the-wings knows, “Don’t you
know?”
“Isnt
she with Vikram this weekend?” If she couldn’t have him, they could at least be
joined in the pain of unrequited love.
He exhaled
his frustration out with his cigarette smoke, “Is she? I thought that was over?”
All
Savina offered him in response was the loaded shrug of casual indifference,
known to sharpen that particular pain.
He turned
to her, “you look lovely tonight, by the way.”
She smiled
as she wondered how many consolation prizes had been called lovely by their evaluator.
She wondered which was worse; Walking away in a preservation of dignity or being
a disposable consolation. She wondered if walking away was a measure of
self-respect or could it be removed as a factor in that entire calculation. She
wondered if she was ready to walk out of the station into nothing at all or go
back into that sparse waiting room. She wondered if flat lining was better than
pain.
“Really?”
